Still here.

In so many ways, I’m still here, right where I’ve always been. Still living with my parents, still existing with my husband in a guest bedroom, still waiting for confirmation of a job.

Still a mother with no child to love.

I missed her tenth month here. I was on a family vacation. I could have posted something; I didn’t. I’m sorry for that. But she wasn’t forgotten. My grandmother mentioned her to me. My best friend sent me supporting words. Lauren wasn’t forgotten. She’ll never be forgotten.

We’re still here, still waiting, but perhaps not for much longer. The job I mentioned in my last, long-ago, post, may be coming to fruition. If so, job training starts next week. In Texas. For the job, we’d be moving to Texas. Next week.

How odd that we would wait all this time – nearly one year after Lauren’s death – to be moving on, and now we could be doing so in as little as a week. I’ve moved house at short notice before, but never that short. We don’t even have a place to live yet.

But we’re getting there. We will get there. And we’ll make it work. We’ve made it this far; if we just keep going, maybe we’ll finally get to where we need to be.

I haven’t meant to neglect this blog, and I can’t promise that I’ll come back to writing regularly. But I’ll try. I might be busy over the next few weeks, but I’ll try. That’s all I can promise.

Advertisements