Today, I am thankful for time alone.

In Japan, Geordie and I had all the time alone that we wanted. We lived in a tiny apartment, but that was okay, because it was ours. I never got tired of having him around. I still don’t. Even now, while we live temporarily at my parents’ place, we spend quite a bit of our time in the same room, sitting next to each other at our computers. Or lying and reading on the bed together. And this makes me happy, having him so close.

My parents have been so generous in inviting us to stay at their place until we get our feet on the ground. It’s weird sleeping with my husband in the same room I used to sleep in when I was in high school, but at least it’s a safe, secure place that I’m familiar with.

But at the same time, it’s not enough. I want my own place, my own things – my own life. My own kitchen to make messes in, my own daily chores to do. My own living room to play music as loud as I want. I love this house, but it’s not my house.

I’m impatient is the problem. Geordie has been hard at work scouring the internet for every last teaching job available.  I’ve lost track of the number of applications he’s sent out. We’re stuck in a holding pattern, waiting to hear back from possible employers, waiting for more jobs to pop up. And all I can do is sit and think about how much I want a place of my own, even if it is a dinky little Japanese apartment. At least it would be mine.

So, as much as I love my parents, it’s nice when they give Geordie and me some alone time. My dad is usually away on business trips during the week, and he’s heading off again today. Mom has tried to give us a night for just ourselves every once in a while, usually by going over to my brother’s house and hanging with him. This week, she’s visiting her mother, whose birthday was yesterday (Happy Birthday, Granny!). So, tonight we’ll have the place entirely to ourselves. We have big plans of having leftovers and watching The Biggest Loser. I’ll probably shower and give myself a much needed haircut. But even so, it’s nice, because just for a little while, we’ll be alone.

What I really want is for things to go back the way they were, when we were happy without thinking about it, living alone and in our own place but eager to welcome our daughter in our family circle. That’s not going to happen, so for now, I’ll be thankful for the time alone we do have. And I’ll be hopeful for the future.

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